It’s all about me, and as much as I would like everything to be about me, this disease is not one of those things. I honestly wish it would go away and I could go back in time three months to when my mind was calm and my days were “normal”.
On Tuesday, March 6th, I started out in Radiology to have a wire inserted into the center of the tumor. As soon as it was time to leave the house, the tears started. I did NOT want to be doing this today. It’s not fair. The tears continued when I arrived at Radiology. However, I had the nicest tech who told me, “You are right, you shouldn’t have to be here.” I listened to my SV Music download to help calm me. The tech told me she was a Christian, hugged me when I was done and told me she would pray for me that afternoon, which is just what I needed to hear at the moment. I proceeded to the hospital and had a right-sided lumpectomy and wire guided sentinel node biopsy. My doctor removed Cruella (the tumor) and 4 sentinel nodes were biopsied to make sure that Cruella hadn’t spread to the nodes. I am still awaiting the pathology results and hope to have them in the next few days. Overall, surgery went as planned and was successful.
For the most part, I have felt better knowing Cruella was gone. My pain and bruising has been minimal and I have been up and around the house. I have not taken any prescription pain meds for 2 days now and know every day will get better. I may have a little bit of respite before I have to start radiation.
I have watched over 30 episodes of various shows (ugh!) and am going a little stir crazy. Last night I talked Dennis into taking me to church so I could escape for a while. I needed the music and the sermon and the people!
Today I am a little frustrated…with my diagnosis, with my energy level which is not normal (I know, I need to be patient!), with my lack of focus on anything, with the after effects of the surgery, with the dread of the hormone blocker and its side effects that I will soon have to start, and just pretty much everything. I know I need to get my focus back to what is important, so I went back to a sermon from 2016 where our pastor said, “The more selfish we are, the more miserable we will be.” I don’t want to be miserable. And I surely don’t want to be selfish. We have been blessed IMMENSELY by the friends checking in on us, the meals, the visits, the flowers, the prayers, ALL of the blessings these past few days! We are SOOOOO very grateful for you all!
It’s not all about me. But it will be about the way God uses me through this journey and in the end, all that matters is God and People. So, I need to refocus on God and be thankful for the people in our lives who will help us through this journey.
UPDATE 3/13/18: Received a call late last night from my doctor. My lymph nodes are clear and my margins are also clear! Praise God! Hallelujah! I can now move forward with plans for radiation and will be calling my radiation oncologist this morning!
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30